PURIM FOOLISHNESS

WARNING!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!!

The following section is meant only in jest. The only truths are ironic. It is Adar. Have some fun. Don't take things seriously.

If you have anything you would like to add here — whether it is a funny take on something in our lives, our synagogue or our world, or perhaps your argument on which is better, the Latke or the Hamentaschen — just send it to our Web-Haman.

It's Not To Late To Buy Your Yom Kippur Party Supplies!

Click here!

The story of Purim is an international tale.

King Achashverosh was Finnish with his disobedient wife Vashti. "You Congo now!" he ordered her. After she had Ghana way, the king's messengers went Roman the land to find a new queen. And India end, the beautiful Esther won the crown.

Meanwhile, Mordechai sat outside the palace, where the Chile Haman would Czech up on him daily.

"I Haiti you because you refuse to bow to me!" Haman scolded Mordechai. "USA very stubborn man. You Jews are such Bahamas! If you keep this up, Denmark my words! I will have all your people killed! Just Kuwait and see, you Turkey! "

Mordechai went into mourning and tore his clothes - a custom known as Korea. He urged Esther to plead with the king. The Jews fasted for three days and grew very Hungary. Esther approached the king and asked, 'Kenya Belize come to a banquet I've prepared for you and Haman?"

At the feast, she invited her guests to a second banquet to eat Samoa. The king asked, "Esther, why Jamaica big meal like this? Just tell me what you want. Unto half my United Kingdom will I give you."

Esther replied, "Spain full for me to say this, but Haman is Russian to kill my people."

Haman's loud Wales could be heard as he carried Honduran this scene. "Oman!" Haman cried bitterly. "Iraq my brains in an effort to destroy the Jews. But that sneaky Mordechai - Egypt me!"

Haman and his ten sons were hanged and went immediately to the Netherlands. And to Sweden the deal, the Jews were allowed to Polish off the rest of their foes as well.

"You lost your enemies and Uganda friend," the king smiled.

And that is why the Purim story Israeli a miracle. God decided to China light on His chosen people. So now, let's celebrate! Forget all your Syria's business and just be happy! Serb up some wine and Taiwan on! Happy Purim!!!

(Author Unknown)

A SUNNY AND SENSATIONAL SATELLITE

As part of our "Look to the Future" exploration, a common opinion voiced was our need for more space. Rabbi Prosnit and I went in search of that space, and we are both proud and pleased to share with you our lucky find. You are looking at our new satellite synagogue, set on a majestic island in the Caribbean. Services in swimsuits by the sea and liturgy set to creative reggae tunes will open up an exciting new world of worship and spiritual enlightenment. We're in the process of striking an incredible deal with the air and cruise lines for monthly Shabbaton Shuttles. Consideration is being given to converting the lovely bus you see into a Reform day school. (You may wish to inquire about vouchers.) The possibilities are endless!

Enthusiastically yours,

Elaine Chetrit

NEWS FROM THE EARLY CHILDHOOD CENTER

H O T F L A S H !!

The Nursery School will be closing due to the retirement of the staff. After the Board turned down our request for the installation of escalators for our multi-level facility, the aging staff made a conference call to a Florida realtor in Boca. We are going to be living in adjoining condos with a view of our hot tub. The retired staff will be making dinner reservations for early bird specials, will be taking field trips to the flea market and will be playing marathon canasta. Our new schedule in Florida will continue to follow the Fairfield, Connecticut school system calendar. Thus, when Fairfield is "off" we will be "on." So please visit us at www.clubhouse.calm for registration and list of classes for your children and grandchildren, or just visit us!

Gail Weinstein

Former Early Childhood Director

ASK YENTA

Dear Yenta,

I met this guy who is awesome! He wears some funky hat though. I'm more into punk than black, triangular hats. What should I do?

Signed: Queeny

Dear Queeny,

Go deeper than clothes. See what kind of person he really is.

Signed: Yenta

Dear Yenta, I am supposed to go on Survivor Jerusalem 2751. I could win a million shekels. My problem is I am Kosher and if they make me eat shrimp, I will refuse and could lose out on the shekels. What should I do?

Signed: Regis

Dear Regis,

Make a decision - your commitment or your wallet!

Signed: Yenta

MUSIC NEWS.

Casey Kassem has announced that Congregation B'nai Israel's CD has hit #1 on the top ten list for the Rhythm and Blues category.

FOX TV SUED AS MORDECAI DESCENDENTS CLAIM FOX RIPPED OFF WHO WANTS TO MARRY A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE STORY

Descendents of Mordecai have filed suit against the FOX TV network claiming copyright infringements with last season's blockbuster debacle, Who Wants to Marry a Multi-millionaire.

"Been there, done that," said the family lawyer. "It's all there in tablet and chisel. Way back in Shushan days, a contest was held to get someone to marry that multi-millionaire, King Ahasuerus. By the way, he was every bit as sleazy as that guy in the FOX show, but that Darva lady couldn't hold a candle to the original Esther."

Mordecai's descendents claim that their great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great uncle was the original promoter and, therefore, the family should receive a share of the prophets. They are suing for 2-1/2 million shekels and four goats.

RABBI JAMES PROSNIT
FROM THE RABBI'S MESSY DESK

I am pleased to report two items of great interest from the minutes of two of our committees.

From the House Committee:
Congregation to Construct Mechitza
In our move to increase the level of traditionalism and embrace some level of orthodoxy in our worship services, the House Committee has agreed to construct a mechitza (the ritual separation between men and women) in our sanctuary. The separation will be 2-1/2 cubits high and will run through the middle of the sanctuary. On High Holy Days, and at other services when we expand the sanctuary doors, the mechitza will be moved to the foyer so as to accommodate the extra number of worshippers.

We, however, remain deeply committed to the Reform concept of equalitarianism. Therefore, in this mechitza the women of the congregation will sit toward the front and the men will sit in the rear.

From the Fundraising Committee:
Synagogue to be Painted Yellow
Responding to last year's concern and outcry about the "yellow envelopes" placed on the seats during Rosh Hashanah services, the Fundraising Committee has approved plans to paint the entire sanctuary yellow for the New Year. Says the Fundraising Chair, "When our congregants see the yellow, they will immediately have a pavlovian reaction based on last year's experience, and the donations will just come rolling in."

The decision as to whether to repaint the synagogue white in time for Yom Kippur was tabled until the next meeting.

As usual your comments and reactions are welcome.

Purim Links

This section is made up of real links. While you may find some foolishness, you will learn and find fun stuff!

Rabbi Art Gould has developed the Rhyming Story of Purim, complete with Fundamentals of Text, Axioms of Nonsense, and super-gloss! Have fun while you learn!

Social Action.com has articles on preparing for Purim: